Helping Your Children Cope With Your Separation

Though parents are the ones separating, those who can often be most affected by the separation process are the children. After all, they are watching the two most important people in their lives, go through what can be a very tough time. 

Now, the lawyers at Connolly Suthers like to tell you the truth. We’re not in the business of sugar-coating the reality of a situation or stroking your ego (sorry!).

And the truth may not always be what you want to hear. But let’s be frank; you pay a lawyer for legal advice so that you can obtain an honest summary of your options and the likely outcomes of your situation.

The cold, hard truth about separating with children is this…

being separated parents can be very hard work.

There are so many issues to consider when separating or contemplating separation. A quick google search reveals literally thousands and thousands of articles you could read about separation and children. 
Is it overwhelming? You bet! 

So let’s break it down. 

In this day and age, separations involving children are not unusual – heck it’s estimated that around one in three marriages will end in divorce. 

Now, if every cloud has a silver lining, then the silver lining of that big fat cloud called “separation” is that, as a society, we have learnt from what others have already been through. It’s now clear that as parents, there are certain things we can do, and certain things we can refrain from doing, that will help our children cope with separation. Ever heard of that saying experience is the best teacher?  

Obviously, we can’t tell you EVERYTHING you need to know (because we’re sure you’ve got more pressing things to do than read our blog for hours on end). 

However, what we can do here, is give you our top 10 tips on WHAT TO AVOID DOING to help your children cope with your separation!

(Don’t fret, there will be another blog with our top 10 tips on WHAT TO DO to help your children cope with your separation). 

So here goes!!!

Top 10 tips on WHAT TO AVOID DOING to help your children cope with your separation!

1. Don’t fight or argue with the other parent in the presence of your children (or within their hearing).
2.  Don’t cut off communication or make it difficult for the other parent to spend regular time with the children.
3.  Don’t criticize the other parent in front of the children (or tell them about the bad things the other parent may have done).
4.  Don’t use your children to pass messages between you and the other parent.
5.  Don’t make unnecessary changes to your children’s routines - children thrive when their lives are stable.  Stability helps children feel secure.
6.  Don’t show your children legal documents or discuss legal matters with them – keep adult issues between adults and let your kids be kids! 
7.  Don’t use your child as a therapist or turn to them for emotional support.  They need your love and support.
8.  Don’t cut off the other parent financially or refuse to pay child support.
9.  Don’t focus on the past - while it’s easier said than done, parents need to control their emotions and shift their focus to what the future holds.
10.  Don’t ignore your own physical and emotional health.